Hayseed McInsulter

I believe this is this first time I've ever seen this. I just moved to Colorado from NC a little over a week ago.  I would have to talk to my roomate about this. I would love to talk to roomate #1 ( long hair) Sorry # 2, she just seems more like my type (outdoorsy) I'm 25 myself, if nothing else it would be great to hang out, since i don't really know anyone yet. thanks for your time.

Dear Poor Orphan Child,

I am very sorry to hear that you were raised in a barn and without your mother. You could have used a good boisterous mother to teach you some simple lessons about a thing that we call tact. Since you have obviously been so terribly deprived of these lessons, allow me to teach you:
1. It is not now, nor has it ever been okay, for you to insult the friend of the girl you would like to date. Case in point: I spent a day with a man in Virginia, who spent almost the entire time telling me how much he hated one of my best friends. In your world, perhaps this guy would have gotten kissed. In my world, he got the cold shoulder. From both of us. The lesson you should learn from this, poor orphan child, is that you should always be nice. As you would not like to talk to me, I am afraid that neither of us would like to talk to you.
2. Unfortunately for you, it is also not okay to make assumptions. Assuming that, because the ad didn’t say that I like hiking and biking does not mean that I do not like those things. I don’t assume that your six-line email means that you do not like California, dogs, football or mint chocolate chip ice cream, just because you didn’t mention it. What I do assume is that you have spent the greater part of your life in a barn in North Carolina, teaching yourself social etiquette, and, sadly, failing.
Again, I am sorry for your sad motherless existence. We pity you.

Too bad for you…neither of us do pity dates.